redeeming overly offensive insults, #2 in a series
So today we’re going to examine the insult douchebag and it’s shorter, more curt cousin, douche.
Why it’s Problematic
Now, in traditional usage, both these terms are meant to cast dispersion on someone by making vague and uncertain associations with a product used to clean a woman’s vagina. The implication, of course, is that women and their vaginas are unclean disgusting places that ought not to come up in civilized conversation.
Clearly, that’s not the case.
Now, in a perfect world, there wouldn’t be a problem. However, we don’t live in a perfect world, so what are we to do when faced with …
The Solution
Rather than abandon the insult and allow douches and douchbags to run free without reprisal, we here at gliff.org recommend the following point of view.
Seeing as there’s nothing wrong with vaginas, and that all healthy human beings should have, at minimum, a respect for that which they slid out of (c-sections notwithstanding) and that which many of us enjoying sliding into, we need to shift the focus to the douche itself.
Specifically, we believe one should conjure the image of a harsh, chemical antiseptic. The kind of substance that purports to keep a woman and her mother fresh and clean on a wind swept beach, but actually interferes with the body’s natural chemical balance and leaves a women susceptible to more infections.
With this image in mind, we actually undo the old, pejorative view of the vagina and instead hold it up as something that should be preserved and honored.
Additionally, by calling the above “maybe one day indicted1 war criminals” by their proper names, we also reenforce the fact that neither of them has any business2 perusing the particulars of any particular peachfish3.
1. Yeah, I know, when pigs fly and all that
2. And yet, paradoxically, perhaps if they both did spend a bit more time in and around said slickery slit, they’d be a bit less insecure and war mongering (see line above)
3. With appologies to Tom Robbins.
Originally Posted January 24, 2006